Few more translations. This is when he was looking for a home in the UK. The surgery he speaks of was needed because at the time he kept dislocating his shoulder.
September 28th 2005
This chapter opens on board of an aircraft that’s carrying me to Frankfurt: a short work commitment and then a flight to Edinburgh, where I will continue my exploration of Great Britain, to understand where I could live, other than in London. I’m tense, I’ve started a period of abstinence from carbohydrates - one of my usual food quickies.
I found out that EMI’s office in Rome is about to close and this has instilled in me an infinite melancholy. One thing is the disdain for the job insecurity that the people who work there will be forced to deal with. Other than that, I’ve shed a tear. Perhaps more than one.
So many memories associated with those offices.
The first promotional single, Xdono, following its ascent on the charts, the expectations before the first TV programs, the tramezzini of Viale Mazzini, the cappuccinos, the route from my home to Viale Angelico in the car, driving like the Romans do, the nervousness before going to the Vatican, the smell of the bakery with fresh donuts, the chatter, the smiles, the pampering of a singer younger than the company. It’s all over.
What’s going on? Wasn’t the apocalypse supposed to happen in 2012? In my existence it seems to be coming right now.
I met with Cinzia to ask her to work with me, now that I’ve returned to Europe I need someone who lives here and who can help me keep things going.
I got acquainted with the doctor who will operate on me in Rome, he is a good arthroscopic specialist. He examined me and confirmed the urgent need for surgery. The thing that makes me most anxious is the rehabilitation, it looks like it will take at least three months.
I have extended my contract with EMI for another two albums, in exchange for greater freedom and better conditions. I managed to avoid the standard contracts that bind you for a long time, I preferred to let the large guaranteed sums for what they are, in favor of more peaceful nights of sleep… at least I hope so.
Even though I am trying to clear my mind, venting in this journal, I feel very tense. I should revive all of my relationships - friendships, those who feel offended, betrayed by my departure to Mexico - restore a bit of balance and routine… I feel like a prisoner who got bailed out too soon and who now isn’t able to reintegrate in the reality to which he belonged.
I hate all of this, and most of all I hate sleep, due to the time change that has done nothing but make things more complicated.
October 3rd 2005
Here we go again, to summarize my five days in Edinburgh.
It’s really when you least expect it that a place can leave a mark. The first day was sad and left me feeling uneasy. I walked around this city, so gothic and crepuscular, before arriving at the Castle, passing through ancient alleyways, tunnels, cemeteries, and suddenly finding myself faced with views of the city that left me breathless, but still with a feeling of rapture and despair.
All of this mysterious architecture again rocked my subconscious, moving my emotional balance back and forth, which had seemed to have settled down, at least for the moment. I definitely want to live in Great Britain, but not here in Scotland. I couldn’t handle this landscape every day. Not now that I’m going through this moment of subtle anger and profound denial towards myself.
England. That is the answer, the English cities will understand me. With their contradictions, their diversity, the music, that concreteness in their manners and conversations, the carelessness with which the British will tell you to fuck off, for the silliest reasons.
Last night I dreamed that I was kidnapped and sold as a slave on a market… but I found a way to escape. I’m still very stressed, I feel that this umpteenth change puts a strain on my subconscious.
October 8th 2005
One year ago I was in Cancun, today I go back to Mexico. Theoretically for the last time this year, provided that I can fix the bureaucratic issues related to the diploma.
Yesterday I was in a clinic in Rome with dad, I had the preliminary analysis for the surgery that is now set for November.
I’m already looking for a house between London and Manchester. A couple of agencies are helping me on my quest. I will start looking at the first apartments as soon as possible: no sooner said than done. I might even live between the two cities, dividing home and office, just to have a change of scenery and know two different realities.
The journey is going well, apart from the back of my seat being broken. It’s reclining on its own. Still three hours and thirty-eight minutes to go.
Marco and I talk to each other less and less. I’d say he is a victim of my sudden mood changes, so much anguish and perhaps even anger.
It is confirmed: Cinzia will start working with me.
I uploaded a lot of photos on my new iPod and I found some of my first trip to Switzerland. It seems like a thousand years have passed, so many things have changed… including my face!
It’s official: I lost my latest lyric notebook, or it was stolen from me, I don’t know! Luckily I have the lyrics for the new album already memorized. Such stress!
I was thinking that, once I’m home in Mexico, I’ll have to start deciding what to bring with me and what to leave there. By now many things have accumulated and I don’t want to complicate my life by moving them: I will take only the essentials with me, and the rest I will give away.
For the first time, I got tested for HIV. I don’t really know why, in fact there haven’t been any grand occasions where I could have been infected, but I think it was important to do it, considering the life I lead, always on the move, in different environments and countries. And it’s correct, as a person who lives consciously in the present, and who moves in a mindful manner in the world of 2005.
I’m negative, in the sense of seronegative.
I felt a little bit of anxiety when they were about to tell me the outcome, I think that’s normal. Together with the HIV test, since I was already there, I got tested for all other venereal diseases. It was strange to go through that moment alone, locked inside myself, with all these thoughts, and the people in the waiting room looking at you, wondering who you are and what you do, how you feel and why you’re there.
I will continue to undergo these tests regularly, it’s the right thing to do.
I wrote a new song, “out of my mind”, it’s called E Raffaella è mia. I will add it to the record, to temper the gloomy atmosphere that pervades the album, and because I want to poke fun at myself a bit, laugh and make other people laugh… as I usually do in real life. Even though no one imagines it.